Airports are impossible to separate from the style that civilization as we know it is presented
by. Or at least, they are for the time being. With the struggles that society currently faces,
who knows how much longer we can afford to run international planes? But everybody alive today
either knows what an airport is, or has been isolated from universal knowledge somehow.
But did you know that there are a lot of real, common phrases that you do not have the freedom
to say in an airport? Join Figment Area as we go through this list of Things You Can't Say At An
Airport.
This Movie Is Going To Bomb
Imagine this: you're in an airport waiting for your friend to
arrive back home, you're on your phone, and you're watching the trailer for the upcoming live-action
adaptation of Frogger (1981). It's directed by somebody nobody's heard of, the plot focuses
on the titular frog setting up a beauty cosmetics company, and the script resembles the one from Spy
Kids. Then suddenly you turn to your idiot friend who's genuinely convinced that this movie is
fundamentally a good idea, and you say to him "Mate, this movie is going to bomb."
Believe it or not, this moment can get you into a lot of
trouble! Airport security will be asking you a lot of questions and otherwise bearing down on you
at this point, and it's not a good way to go.
If you find yourself in this situation, try using phrases like these instead:
- This movie is going to squash!
- This movie looks like a dumper down!
- This movie eh? No way, hosé!
- I think the trailer says it's going to be a failer!
That's A Real Bombshell
Sometimes when
you're at an airport, a family member says something to you that's truly serious. But if this ever happens to you, you must be careful to not make this one mistake. Hundreds of people a year are detained by security guards for saying "That's a real bombshell" after their mother in-law says that her Flemish Giant rabbits died.
Be aware of yourself and your surroundings when your exo-family says something about Flemish Giant rabbits dying, or you will run serious risk of airport guards acting on the thought that there is a REAL BOMBSHELL in your bag. Airport guards are extremely hostile in the face of Unexploded Bombs coming into their domain, so be careful when the rabbits are deadful.
I'm going to inject all of your fucking babies with needles full of nitroglycerine and use my explosives to blow this whole place to smitheroons.
(I hope my friend Miss T doesn't read this one. It would not be pleasant for her.) Imagine it. You're at an airport, and you have a lot of hypodermic needles full of liquid nitroglycerine, and you've just generally had a really bad day. 1 in 17.5 people report that they or somebody they know has been in such a situation and not gone very well with handling it, proceeding to threaten the other airport customers with an accidental outburst or twenty-five. If you find yourself in such a situation, with any amount of nitroglycerine needles, try to imagine that the airport is inside a cube. This might help to save your life.
People Keep Zero-Bombing My Posts
In the modern days of the web, digital built-in button features to criticize
content are at an all-time low. But surprisingly, in some places it is still
possible to be critical of media that comes out without being forced to leave
a comment. Oh no! We can't have accountability for poorly-done shovelware going
on!
At this point, there are still some places where you can post a piece of
entertainment online, and have it be rated zero stars, which is known in
some places as "Zero-Bombing".
If you
are online in such a place and happen to suddenly realize that there is a
colossal infrastructure of airport walls and people around you, be wary of
what you might say when your media is judged by the click of buttons. This
can get airport security to accuse you of carrying entire weaponized historic
World War planes on your person!
Some day the right to criticize posts will be helpfully removed, and
people will be able to post any legal content with absolutely zero quality
safeguards for putting it under scrutiny, leaving the average Joe at an airport to
enjoy a much safer time.
I'm going to cut the person who runs this airport open.
About 60% of people believe that the phrase
above is very justified, and that we should
be allowed to say it in airports. However, in
this world, it is not yet a safe place to do
so when you're in an airport.
Fuck you all! It's time for the cleansing fire of all wretched civilization!
Don't say that at an airport.
Bombs Away!
Don't say that at an airport. I don't care how big the swimming pool is.
I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, I REALLY LOVE YOU SO LET'S DIE TOGETHER. I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, LET'S JUMP ON A PLANE FUCKIN' [censored]!
To end on and wrap this article up in a neat little bow, we have our final point in the list. The phrase that this article refers to is the phrase that is above our paragraph here.
It is a profound and cerebral smash hit 2019 song by three friends in a room in a humble town of Australia one night, a state in a country where plane disasters are historically a serious issue. Putting their brains together, they made a song that would change the entire world.
As beautiful as it may seem to reference and honour this song in an airport by singing it out loud, that is not something that you want to do. There are other spaces where it can be better discussed with more safety and care, and less intrusions from airport guards.
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Thank you for reading this important announcement from the Figment Area public service.